Working with Ancestors

Working with Spirits is just like everything else in Witchcraft- you can't be an armchair magician. You have to get your hands dirty and do the work. You can spend years trying to prepare yourself for Spirit work, reading endlessly and imagining how it will all go down. The best way to learn, grow and eventually master these skills and techniques is to just get in there and do them. So put down those books and get ready to contact some Spirits!

Ancestor Spirits are one of the easiest, most friendly paths of Spirit work available. That being said, sometimes generational traumas or problematic relatives can complicate this work and bring on feelings of dread. If that be the case, we will discuss problematic Ancestors in just a bit.

Some folks also get nervous around the idea of Ancestor work if they were adopted. There's plenty of adopted folks who have thriving Ancestral relationships and practices and I promise there are ways to make it fit your needs. We'll get into that more in detail in a later lesson, too.

Aside from a couple exceptions, it's important that you know and understand your Ancestors are your POSSE and they have your back. They are invested in what's best for you, in your success, and in your life like no other. So calm those titties, my pretties. Ancestor work is cause for celebration, not vexation.

Ancestor veneration is often confused with Ancestor 'worship', but this is not a correct definition or description. Think of the word veneration as 'reverence' or 'respect'. Ancestors are not deities and most cultures don't believe Ancestors rank on the same level among the divine.

Some believe Ancestors act as messengers and intermediaries between humans and gods. The idea in these belief systems is that Ancestors are especially suited for this because as former humans they understand the human condition better. As former humans, they are better capable of communicating needs, requests and prayers to a deity than a Spirit or entity who has no experience as a human, including a divine being such as a god.

Some believe it is their sacred duty to care for their Ancestors in the afterlife, and provide offerings of food, drink and even money.

There's a long history among many cultures around the world who practice veneration of the dead (aka who revere or respect the deceased). Ancestor veneration is based on love and respect for those relatives who have passed on.

In many cultures, Ancestor veneration is a continuation of the belief that the dead go on to have a continued existence on the Spiritual plane. Some believe Spirits and Ancestors even have the ability to influence the fortune and circumstances of the living.

Not all veneration of the dead are about Ancestors. While some groups venerate their direct, familial Ancestors, other religions, groups and cultures may venerate saints, souls in Purgatory or all departed souls, regardless of familial status.

Common Ancestor Veneration Goals:

• To ensure the Ancestors' continued well-being

• To ensure the Ancestors' positive disposition towards the living

• To sometimes ask for special favors or assistance

There are also non-religious aspects to Ancestor veneration practices. For example, Ancestor veneration can cultivate kinship values, such as:

1. Filial Piety

2. Family Loyalty

3. Continuity of the family lineage

Many cultures and religions practice Ancestor veneration but may not even realize it. It is common for people to visit the graves of their parents or other Ancestors, leave flowers and pray to them in order to honor and remember them, while also asking their Ancestors to continue to look after them.

The word veneration in English means a great respect or reverence caused by the dignity, wisdom, or dedication of a person.

Although there is no generally accepted theory concerning the origins of Ancestor veneration, this social phenomenon appears in some form in all human cultures documented so far.

In general, any work you do that involves Ancestors can be called Ancestor Work.

To me at least, the term and practice of Ancestor work goes beyond just Ancestor veneration.

Ancestor work can be done by anyone and everyone. But Ancestor work is not just about celebrating, revering or respecting those who came before you. There is joy and pain in our Ancestry. When we do Ancestor work we address and deal with both of these in our lineages. I think Ancestor work includes Ancestor veneration and the hard work of untangling, processing and healing generational curses, traumas, wounds and other problematic history.

It's also about looking ahead and understanding your personal role as a future Ancestor yourself. Doing the work now and laying a foundation to be strong, supportive Ancestors for your descendants is part of this path.

Some people and cultures raise their Ancestors to god-status after they depart the physical plane, or they are elevated there over time, maybe even over the course of generations.

While it's possible to worship your Ancestors just as you would your gods, since I am vehemently against any practice that involves worship, I won't promote the practice or teach about how to do this. It's important that you know it exists, though.

Ancestral work is advantageous to your practice and your magic in ways I could never fully cover in one course, and in ways you just can't predict.

Here are just some of the benefits:

• Lots of holidays around the world venerating, honoring and celebrating Ancestors, Saints and the Dead- makes this a practice shared by many and a path that lets you be more open with some or all of your beliefs and practices.

• Offers us a sense of continuity, a sense of purpose, of belonging to a group and a line that has been passed down one generation to the next for as long as humans have existed

• Ancestors are 100% on your side, acting as Spiritual cheerleaders and coaches in the game of life

• You are their family, their lineage. You are their legacy on this earth, the culmination of all of their decisions, successes, failures, and experiences, and you can draw on all of those experiences to help you in your magic.

• Ancestors can act as your spiritual bouncers. When you have an entire house full of experienced spirits in your home, it’s quite easy for them to kick out any unwanted spirits hanging around. They can lay down the law, enforce your house rules, and decide who can come near you and who can't.

• Make excellent intermediaries between you and other Spirits you may want to work with.

• Ancestor work helps you be better at spirit work in general. Their presence gives you skills, abilities, and fail-safes that will allow you to tackle further spirit work with ease.

• Ancestral spirits have skills and knowledge that you do not. It allows you to learn and trade your skills and abilities as a living person for your Ancestors’ skills and abilities as spirits.

• Ancestors enhance your divination wildly (seriously, if you do divination, you NEED to get your Ancestors in on it, the results are crazy)

• Offer tailored ritual and magical help. Ancestors can give you recipes, rituals, and prayers that are potent and effective.

• Solid advice with hundreds of thousands of years of experience to draw on (although, please remember, YOU are the one living now, and you are the expert on this modern world!)

• Add power to spells and rituals. So, so much power.

• Help you with honing in on a direction to focus your personal growth and spiritual/magickal studies. This is a HUGE help if you're not sure what to focus on and tend to be scattered!

Of course these benefits are just scratching the surface. There's too many to even try to list.

One common concern about working with Ancestor Spirits is what if you don't like your family, or what if you are estranged from them?

I hear you loud and clear on this one. Families are complicated and we all have jerks and assholes somewhere in the family tree. I make a distinction between my immediate family- my husband and children, the humans I am most protective of and loyal to- and everyone else. I have a huge extended family- dozens of Aunts & Uncles and hundreds of cousins. Several among them are people I choose to no longer speak to or have contact with. This has been a very healing and incredibly empowering decision for me to cut these family members out of my life completely. I feel zero shame, guilt or regret over it. I am wholly a better me for having done it.

I do not buy into the New Age or Christian bullshit that we must love everyone, especially family. That love is the default and expected, or due. That we must endure or tolerate bad behavior because we're family. Fuck that. I don't love everyone. I have a general love and compassion for all life, but specific love is reserved for people who deserve my love. I don't give my love or time to people who have gone out of their way to hurt me, who are unsafe for me, or who don't have my best interests at heart. I set boundaries with those people, along with people who are toxic or bring unwanted disruption or dysfunction to my life.

How many times have you shared a story with a friend or acquaintance or even another family member of being bullied, threatened, intimidated, oppressed, silenced, marginalized, exploited, abused, manipulated, lied to, coerced or of enduring some other ill treatment, and received a response like, 'Yeah, that sucks... but she's still your mom' or 'That wasn't OK but he's your brother, you have to forgive him'? It's infuriating, isn't it?

We're conditioned to put up with BS because we're taught blood is thicker than water and love is unconditional and that family comes first no matter what. But that's not what I believe.

I worked hard for years to shed those toxic beliefs. I'm sure many reading this have also had to break ties with family for their well-being.

Family isn't always the people you were born into. Sometimes we have to choose our family.

Blood is not the sole factor on who your people are. Unconditional love is a lie church taught us to put up with abuse and not tell. No thank you to that mess. As long as I exist in this physical form, my love for any human I didn't give birth to is sure as shit conditional on how you treat me and how I feel about it. It can be withdrawn or altered and is not governed by an arbitrary loyalty oath. 'Family' doesn't come before your mental health, your physical well being, your safety, your sanity. The pressure of making your extended family a priority above all else isn't a good excuse to neglect your own needs, compromise your values or morals, give up what you love or stop pursuing your goals.

So when it comes to working with deceased family members we were estranged from or who we didn't like, we can choose to cut them off just like we did (or wanted to!) in life.

We likely all of us have bigots, murderers, rapists, thieves and otherwise just plain nasty or unpleasant people in our ancestry. You never have to work with ancestral Spirits you don't want to or that you are uncomfortable with.

You are wholly in charge of which Ancestors you decide to connect with. You're the driver.

Often Ancestor Work leads us to repair or heal the pain caused by certain Ancestors. If or when you ever feel called to take up that work- and not doing so is 100% OK- you can choose to go at your pace and on your terms. You have the power to say no, to stop or to put it down anytime. You will always be the one who decides.

One thing you might find is that while you may not be on good or speaking terms with your living relatives, you actually get along great with many of your deceased family members and Ancestors! I regularly work with my grandmother's Spirit, my mother's mother, but want nothing to do with my mother directly (who is still alive) and I have never felt judged or pressured or even asked to change that relationship by her. My grandmother seems to understand I am better without my mother- her daughter- or she at least supports my decision and leaves it alone. Ultimately, she is there for me and she loves me so she's there for what I need. Any Spirit or Ancestor who doesn't get that, who doesn't offer that, doesn't get an invitation or the benefit of spending time with you.

If you are adopted it can feel especially tricky to begin Ancestor Work.

I wish I had a perfect answer for you here, but there just isn't one.

Some ways you can navigate Ancestor work if you don't know your blood lineage:

• Call to your blood lineage on the Spiritual realm. This may involve using your own blood in your ritual or invocation. This can be an excellent way to meet at least one blood Ancestor who can then help you connect with others. It can take several tries but I have found this to be an effective way to make contact when you have nothing else to go on.

• Visit the homeland where you were born, or where your people may have originated based on what you know from your birth certificate, race or ethnicity. Call on the Spirits of your people while in the place they were most strongly tied to.

• Complete a DNA test and register your results to find living relations. Establish your genealogy as best you can, and through those connections or registry you can slowly discover some or much of your blood lineage. When you find an Ancestor you feel drawn to, start with them.

• Work with the ancestry of your adopted family if you like them- chances are those adopted Ancestors know you and consider you family, too.

• Work with Ancestors you are connected to in other ways such as a godparent or in-laws - not all Ancestors are blood relations.

• Initiatory Ancestors: These are ancestors that you acquire by way of initiation This can be through religious initiation but also through secular initiations such as receiving a doctorate.

• Identity Ancestors: These are the spirits of the dead who share your identity or vocation. If you're LGBT, you could celebrate the LGBT people who came before you. If you're an artist, you can work with great artists who have come before you. Hell, you're a Witch, work with the spirits of the Witches who came before you!

Ancestor work tends to guide itself. You'll likely find many of these questions answered once you get started.

If you're worried about using rituals from the wrong culture because you don't know where your family is from, relax. They will appreciate your love and attention regardless of whether you're using the exact same rituals and words that they would have used. And don't forget, they can help you to develop rituals as well!

Sometimes people feel trepidatious about contacting Ancestors when they ware worried about giving offense or being judged because they don't share the same values, beliefs or religious practices.

I bet there were plenty of people in your ancestry who didn't conform or fit the mold, too! I bet once you get started you'll discover people in your lineage who were more like you than you knew.

Maybe you're LGBTQIA+, for example, and come from a conservative home, or the fact that you are a Witch or an atheist and come from a religious family who thinks you worship the devil. Or you had a baby at a young age and didn't get married (shock and awe), or you have had lots of sex partners or are poly but know your family disapproves.

Again, the reality is most of your Ancestors will be much more understanding, accepting and non-judgmental than you realize, often much more so in death than they were in life. But if you happen to run across an Ancestor who doesn't accept you as you are or who you feel judged or looked down on by- throw them out and don't invite them back. Ain't nobody got time for that.

My experience is some Ancestors who were strict and conservative in life turn into ''do what makes your heart sing' and 'YOLO' people in the afterlife, while others stay scroogy.

For example, my husband has one great-great-Aunt-by-marriage who used to hang on our Ancestor wall with her husband, my husband's great-great-Uncle, and we'd occasionally include them in our Ancestor veneration work. She was havin' none of it.

She was mad about it. She kept throwing her picture down off the wall and after the third time my husband tried a more personal Ancestor ritual with just her to see if he could get to the bottom of why she was so upset. Instead of her being amenable to resolving the issue or talking about it, she soured his incense and made the whole damn house stink to high heaven, lmao. I woke to the stench (it was truly terrible) and her Christian wrath in the middle of the night and the next morning we decided to take her down off the wall for good and stick her in a drawer.

She's been happy ever since, lol.

She apparently didn't take kindly to being repeatedly invited into our lair of Witchcraft and sorcery, it seems, and after several years she'd had it up to here and decided to make her displeasure known. What are you gonna do?

Don't waste time on those Ancestors who are ornery and don't want to play nice. Keep at it and no matter how different you think you are from your people, you'll find someone, somewhere along the way, will be just like you.

Working with your Ancestors is pretty easy and it won't take much for you to get started. Don't overwhelm yourself at first, it's ok to start slow and build up your practice over time. In fact, jumping in and trying to do everything all at once is a surefire way to overwhelm yourself and burn out quickly.

You are the expert in your Ancestor veneration practice! This is your family; you get to do things your way. Just because I suggest one way of doing things, doesn't mean you should limit yourself to doing only that, or that doing something else is wrong. I can talk about what I do and what works for me, but you and your lineage might be completely different.

Feel free to draw from your experiences, your culture, and your heritage as you design your practice.

The key to having a successful Ancestor altar is to start small. You can build on as your practice grows. For now, let's keep it simple.

CANDLE

Start with a candle or other source of fire. Fire is life. Fire guides us when we're lost. Fire is primal. Our Ancestors understand fire and are connected to it. Including fire on your altar is an offering of life, a guidepost and a connection to the land of the living. Always supervise your candle or fire source and never lave it unattended. Snuff flames after each working or when you must walk away.

WATER

Like fire, water is a vital life-giving substance. Make an offering of fresh water to your Ancestors in a small bowl or cup. Keep it refreshed as it evaporates or becomes stale. Clean the vessel you use regularly, too and keep everything fresh.

PHOTOS & MEMENTOS

Photos, heirlooms, personal concerns (locks of hair, teeth), mementos, trinkets or other items passed down are well suited for an Ancestor altar as long as it belongs to an Ancestor you wish to work with or connect to. If not, leave it off. Don't overcrowd your altar- not everything you own from an Ancestor needs to be displayed there. There's no room for clutter on an Ancestor altar.

OFFERING PLATE OR BOWL

A small dish of some kind for offerings is recommended. Offering suggestions can be found in a later in this lesson.

OPTIONAL

• Pinch of graveyard dirt or ashes from your Ancestors grave or urn

• Pinch of dirt from your ancestral home or land

• Fresh flowers (change regularly)

• Favorite scent connected to an Ancestor, such as perfume, tobacco or aftershave

• Incense

USING YOUR ALTAR

• Your altar isn't a snapshot in time, a trinket display or museum. This is meant to be a space of power, community, and solace for you. Use it!

• Make a regular appointment to sit with and talk to your Ancestors.

• Once a week sit at your altar and tell your Ancestors about your week or your day. Talk to them as if they are sitting right there, sipping tea with you. Take time to thank them and express gratitude for their presence, their guidance, their love, their protection, their wisdom, their strength, etc. This is how to build those relationships. Over time, you might increase this to a more frequent ritual, even daily. For now, make that appointment for once a week and stick to it. Like going to grandma's house for Sunday supper.

• Perform magick, especially magick done for a family member, workings for money or job security, workings for relationship health, cleansing, and blessing oils and tool.

• Perform divination at your ancestral altar, pray to or request your Ancestors to give you clear sight, to help you divine truthfully, to ask them to bless you divination tools, etc.

Make regular offerings at least as often as you sit down at your altar. Weekly is recommended or more frequently if you have a very active Ancestor practice. Offerings can also be spontaneous or vary in their elaborateness based on how routine or special the Ancestor work is at that time. For example you might do a basic offering for weekly ritual but offer something extra special on their birthday or Samhain, or after they've come through for you hard with some help.

Some suggested offerings:

• flowers

• honey

• coffee

• liquor

• milk

• beer

• wine

• juice

• bread

• dance

• a bite of any meal you cook from scratch

• poetry

• tobacco

• meat

• sweets

• music played by you

• a song sung by you

• artwork

What you choose will depend on you and what your Ancestors like.

Remember Ancestors are not gods or deities. We are not worshiping them or treating them like angelic, divine beings. They are people. People who lived, and died. When we speak to our Ancestors we're just having a conversation with a loved one or trusted friend. We don't need to use thees and thous and frilly language. We just need to keep it real, and respectful.

The relationship most people have with deity is very one sided. That's not what we want here. There needs to be room for this to be a two-way conversation. You say what you want, then pause and create space for them to talk back to you.

Many cultures have prayers to the dead and if you resonate with any of those by all means use them if you feel it works for you.

Here's a variation of what I like to say. It's an all purpose call/evocation you are welcome to use and tailor for your Ancestors.

“I call ________ (name your Ancestor here), __________________ (optional- you may also want to call out who they were to you and your connection to them: grandmother / mother of my mother, etc. - alternately, you can call out who YOU are) to me here in this space. I call to my bones, my blood, my roots, my soil, my heart, my essence, my first. I am you, and you are me. We are beloved. We are one. We are All. You are welcome here."

For me, it might look like this:

“I call my grandmother Ariel, mother of my mother, here to this space. I, Solaris Moon, daughter of your daughter, call to my bones, my blood, my roots, my soil, my heart, my essence, my first. I am you, and you are me. We are beloved. We are one. We are All. You are welcome here."

When calling Ancestors, start by using their whole name, first and last (mine are omitted above for privacy), and your whole name, too if you decide to use it in the evocation. If you find that does not resonate for you, you can use nicknames, first names or include aliases (married names, birth name, maiden name, etc.).

A shorter version:

"I call my grandmother Ariel to this space. You are welcome here."

When you feel their presence, or simply when you are ready to continue, this is the time when you can speak from your heart. I prefer to speak out loud most of the time. This is when I share about my week, or catch them up from the last time we had contact. "Jessica is doing well and enrolled the boys in their new school this week. I'm still having trouble contacting Great Uncle Geronimo who crossed over before you- I left fruit instead of flowers as his offering this time but that didn't seem to help. I'm frustrated at work but hopeful for a shift in my hours soon. I called my brother yesterday and he says hi. I aced my test and am this much closer to my goal- woohoo! I met a new friend! I made your recipe and it flopped- help! lol".

I also take this time to express my gratitude or present a request for help, a blessing or advice. "I thank you for your wisdom, your strength, your resilience. I am grateful for your protection and love and support. I really felt you today and I needed that, thank you so much."... "I ask for blessings and protection for Katy while she travels this week. Please guide Alex tomorrow as he struggles with a hard decision. I appreciate any help you can give in helping me reach 'X' Ancestor..."

Most communications I have with Ancestors do not ask for anything. Spend this time just saying whatever you want to say. Remember to stop now and again and listen. Just sit in silence and listen.

When you are ready to close, you can say something like:

"Thank you for being here with me/visiting. I love /miss you so much. See you next week! Stay if you will, go if you must. You are always welcome.”

When you've finished, give yourself a minute or two of simply sitting in silence. Your Ancestors may have something more to say to you! Keep a journal handy and write anything down you felt was important.

Let's talk about actually receiving messages from your Ancestors. You may find that you hear them loud and clear right from the start and if that's the case, great! If you get radio silence though, don't worry. Sometimes it can take quite a bit of time to build up regular communication with your Ancestors. Just keep at it and know that they ARE listening and when you need them, they will be there.

There are also many other ways that your Ancestors will communicate with you. You may find yourself having potent dreams, noticing things you wouldn't otherwise see, having more convenient coincidences show up in your life, etc. While they may not speak to you audibly, that doesn't mean that they aren’t watching and helping! Keep an open mind and be on the lookout for these messages and guidance.

Most people know all about cleansing their home to keep out unwanted Spirits. But consider that these actions can also have an impact on Ancestors and Spirits you want to stay!

When you want to work with Spirits and build a strong Spirit or Ancestor practice, you have to make your home a welcoming environment for them.

Start with a clean and tidy home. It seems silly maybe and utterly dull, but I promise it works. Just like you probably race around to 'clean' before company comes over, especially your mother or MIL, you want your home to feel cared for when inviting Spirits over. It doesn't have to be perfect or spotless, but regular cleanings and decluttering goes a long way to be a Spiritually hospitable home. You can even view cleaning as an offering to your Ancestors. Some weeks the will, energy and bandwidth just isn't there to accomplish much in the way of chores. I understand. So do your Ancestors. Do what you can and don't feel bad or let guilt creep in if you didn't get as much done as you wanted to.

If you have to focus on only one or two things, pay extra attention to your altar space first and the room its in. If you can do more than that, the kitchen is a good second priority. The kitchen is always a good place where family likes to gather, and Ancestors are no exception.

Now, my grandfather was born in the 1800s and my grandmother, a couple decades his junior, was born in 1902. I have many happy memories with my grandmother, who passed over in 1996, and knew she had a hard life in her early years. At one point as a young girl, she and her younger sister were temporarily abandoned and were kept in a basement for weeks with no food or water. The basement was also a cellar and was storing potatoes. They survived by eating raw potatoes until they were freed. They were utterly sick the whole time.

When my mother was growing up, most folks didn't have electricity let alone any kind of refrigeration. They kept their milk and other items they wanted kept cold out in the creek. It was a trek there and back and by no modern standard at all convenient. Think about all the times you might have complained- even in jest- about the fridge being too far away to get a snack. lol

Imagine your Ancestor walking into your home having lived in an era without modern conveniences like the ones we have in our kitchens and throughout our homes. Seeing how much food is in our homes. How much 'stuff' we have. The electric fireplace maybe, toaster, blenders, hot and cold running water, fancy fridge, double ovens, dimmer switches, central air & heat, books fa' days on the bookshelves... think of the excess we all have and how that would appear to our Ancestors. They might view us as successful and wealthy and thriving.

Think about their struggles of human life. Just lighting a fire and the resources that took. Getting and keeping food fresh. Cooking, staying warm, preserving food, getting their hands on a book.

By respecting the spaces in your home and kitchen and keeping them well maintained and tidy, you are showing respect and thanks to your Ancestors and honoring their hardships and struggles, showing them you appreciate what you have and aren't taking it all for granted. It was because of their struggles that you are here and able to enjoy comfort and ease in your life.

Finally, be sure to pay attention to how your home smells. Take out the trash, empty and clean litter boxes, wash the pet bedding, clean the fish tank, compost rotting produce and those bananas you will never get to. You don't have to add nice scents if you are trying to cover up bad ones, just get rid of the bad scents and your Ancestors will feel welcome and happy in your space.

Like any relationship, Ancestors work on reciprocity. If you have a friend who is constantly asking you for favors but never listens or gives you what you need, that gets old fast and is not a friend you probably want around for long.

Your Ancestors love you and want all the good things for you, but they also have needs. If you neglect those needs, they will not be inclined to stick around or be helpful after a certain point.

Treat your relationships with Ancestors like you do living relationships. Give and take. If it gets too lopsided, someone isn't happy and may decide to stop hanging around. You have to nurture and invest in the relationship to help it grow.

When you address your Ancestors, remember they are people, not pets. If the Ancestor is an adult, don't speak to them like they are a child. They are not computers or databases or record holders who can just spit out whatever information you demand. They don't know everything.

Give more to the relationship with your Ancestors than you take. That's always a good rule anyway, but work on a healthy balance that everyone is happy with.

Be careful not to make it the YOU show whenever you meet with your Ancestors. Create space for them to speak or ask for things, too.

Stay on top of offerings and cleaning and keep your appointments with Ancestors when you make them.

Never forget it's a two-way street. Sometimes Spirits need our help or advice, too!

Take their advice to heart when they give it to you. It doesn't mean you have to do what they say, but if you ask for help and they offer it, use it wisely. If you regularly don't listen or follow through, they may start to feel used, unappreciated or disrespected.

Think of it like this: You have a friend who always complains about their problems and asks for your advice. You freely give them advice when they ask for it, but they repeatedly ignore your advice while making no other changes to resolve things. They want to just keep coming to you to complain and cry over their mess of a life and aren't really interested in fixing things or making changes. Eventually, this would grow tiresome and you would not want to keep trying to help them. Don't be this person to your Ancestors.

Oh, and if you don't want advice or you feel the advice you are given isn't helpful for you, then simply thank them and stop asking for help or advice. Not all advice we get from Ancestors is awesome! lol They are not inherently wise or good problem solvers just because they are Spirits. You can still share struggles you are having but make it clear you are working on your own solutions and appreciate them just listening.

Ultimately the trick to a flourishing Ancestor practice is to be a good friend to them. Personally, I don't think it's healthy in any relationship when we use our friend, partner or family member as a therapist, so I strongly urge you not to use your Ancestor this way, either. They can be an occasional sounding board and safe space to vent, but it shouldn't be a habit that happens more often than not. If you have heavy stuff or constantly need to vent or complain, it is probably time to make an appointment with a living, breathing therapist.

This information is meant as a jumping-off point, not as a complete manual. As an introduction to Ancestors, it is not meant to be a complete work of knowledge on this topic. Remember that this is how I personally work with Ancestors and your mileage may vary. If some part of what you've read here doesn't work for you, that’s ok! Sit down with your Ancestors and figure out what does work. Develop your practice with your ancestral spirits to guide and help you and you cannot go wrong.